I wish sometimes that I could write you, or not even write anything but just send you a link of something I found interesting online. I go through my days thinking of what you would make of a certain event or article, or even a funny cartoon I came across from friends’ FB posts.
The truth is that I miss your mind the most, over what we had or what we didn’t get the chance to be. I miss the easy way we threw ideas at each other or asked each other out for a drink or a movie, and the discussions that would occur during and after that time.
But that was the price of attempting to take things a little bit further, wasn’t it? Back then I thought there would be no greater loss than not pursuing what we both knew we were feeling.
Now that I have neither, I realized that the greatest loss was not having you at all. It makes me feel sorry for taking theleap, for hoping that we could be something more, and for losing the friendship that meant so much more to me than anything, in hindsight.
Here I am with a surplus of topics for us to discuss and a list of links I wish I could send. I don’t know why I keep a list after all this time, as if there would be a time to show you one day when all these things (or even the internet!) won’t be obsolete.
But forget about those links. Could I get just a few seconds or a chance to say a few words? I’m sorry I even crossed that line with you, now now that I know it means I may never hear your easy laugh again.
I have lost you in the saddest and most absolute ways.